- October 20, 2026
- By Sala Levin ’10
Lowe’s may be an unconventional place to turn to in a time of mourning, but in 2019, after losing her unborn daughter at 19 weeks, Julie Odar found herself drawn to the hardware store’s garden center. She wandered the aisles, reading the plant tags, and soon realized that gardening might be the key to processing her grief.
Last week, in conjunction with the University of Maryland Extension’s (UME) Family and Consumer Sciences program, Odar, who is in training through the extension’s Master Gardener program, led other master gardeners through the steps of creating a grief garden. She explored how planting a memorial garden in her White Marsh, Md., backyard helped her remember her daughter, as well as a second pregnancy loss in 2021, and channel her longing to be a mother into nurturing life through planting.
“What I found was that getting my hands in the dirt and physically doing something that benefits the environment really felt like mothering,” said Odar. “My ‘momming’ looks different than other people’s ‘momming,’ but it’s still the same impetus.”
Odar started her garden in April 2019 with an azalea, a plant she bought specifically to honor her daughter, who she and her husband named Coral, because of the blossoms’ pink hue and, in a nod to the place her daughter was delivered, because of its status as an icon of Baltimore gardens.
Master gardener-in-training Julie Odar has created a memorial garden to honor two pregnancy losses. (Photo courtesy of Odar)
As Odar’s garden grew, she decided to pursue becoming a master gardener; recently, she suggested to UME Agent Associate Alexia Leeser that she share her experience with other gardeners. Odar worked with Senior Agent Alexander Chan, who teaches programs on mental health, to create her presentation. Their work is supported by the IN-PLACE initiative (the Interdisciplinary Network for Place-Based Learning, Action and Community-Engaged EnvironMental Health), which is funded by a new UMD Grand Challenges Grant. The research team is collaborating on connecting nature-based experiences, environments and perspectives to solve the grand challenges of global mental health, health equity and environmental health.
“A big piece of my grief presentation is telling stories and sharing with others as a part of the process of grieving,” said Chan. “Her presentation is all about how she endured some losses and is using gardening to cope with that.”
Here are five tips to keep in mind if you’d like to create a grief garden of your own.
Start small. You may not have the room, time or ambition to plant and tend to a large backyard garden. That’s okay. Plant an herb that your late loved one often cooked with in a pot on your windowsill. Nurture a type of houseplant that they always kept. “It’s much easier to scale up than down,” said Odar.
Infuse symbolism into your planting choices. Select shrubs or flowers that remind you in some way of your late loved one. They could bloom around that person’s birthday or the anniversary of their passing, or it could be your friend or relative’s favorite flower. Odar planted Virginia sweetspire in memory of her grandmother, who was named Virginia and who was never seen without her signature red lipstick—the same shade as the plant’s leaves in autumn. “Every time it’s turning, I’m like, ‘All right, I see you,’” said Odar.
An azalea was the first plant Odar planted in her garden. She chose it for its pink shade, which honors the name of her daughter, Coral.
Create a garden that will attract wildlife that you associate with your loved one. Maybe your mother always stopped to admire butterflies. Or your grandfather was a hobbyist beekeeper who made his own honey. Plant native shrubs, bushes, trees and flowers that will draw those animals to your space so that you can keep the memory of your loved one close.
Personalize your garden with special touches. Odar’s grandmother, a devout Catholic, kept many figurines of the Virgin Mary in her home—putting one in her garden was a sentimental touch for Odar. Benches, wind chimes or water features are other ways to make your garden a contemplative place to rest and reflect.
Accept that loss is a natural part of the process. Odar quoted an adage she’d heard: Gardeners have to become very comfortable with death. Plants will die, some permanently and some just for the season until they return. “To know that life is cyclical and nature is cyclical is very supportive for a lot of people,” said Odar.
Coral honeysuckle is also a nod to Odar's daughter, Coral.