Op/ed: What Not to Say to a Friend Who’s Struggling

The darkest hours of our lives are critical moments in a friendship, the times that can determine whether the relationship continues to thrive long after the moment of need has passed.

Marisa G. Franco, an assistant clinical professor of psychology based in the University of Maryland’s Honors College, says that it can be daunting to figure out how to pull off this balancing act.

The expert in human connection is the New York Times bestselling author of ”Platonic: How The Science of Attachment Can Help You Make — and Keep — Friends” and will release her second book, ”Worth: The New Science of Self-Esteem and Secure Attachment,” next month. In an essay published Wednesday on CNBC, Franco shares things you should never say — and what to say and do instead—to support a struggling friend.  

“Don’t cry”
It’s a common misconception that the emotions we don’t express go away. In fact, it’s the opposite. To get through hard times, people need to talk about how they feel. 

When people experienced the death of a spouse, one study found, the less they talked about it, the less healthy they were in the year following the death. And when grieving people reported on the most helpful responses to their grief in another study, one person shared: “The one nurse who held me and let me cry, like she didn’t say, ‘Oh, now now, you shouldn’t cry.’ She just let me cry.”

Read the rest at CNBC.com.